i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
