The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
