They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
That was before I lit my hair on fire
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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