She is in my trunk
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize