paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
My vagina just recognized that song.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize