oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize