remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I wish I only lived at night.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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