Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Too much gin, very little bucket
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize