I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
