and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
