whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
