Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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