There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
