hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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