the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
