at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
