Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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