i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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