we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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