He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
