My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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