Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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