How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
