Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
