fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Randomize