he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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