i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
