I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize