i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Randomize
