hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
