the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Small penises have feelings too.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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