Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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