This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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