my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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