he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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