I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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