don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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