mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
