How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
