Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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