She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
