So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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