Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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