Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
