Will you blow on my dice?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
3 2 1 whiskey
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
