she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
