It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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