Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
