Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
