hotel room ftw
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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