Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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