The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
