I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize