I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The air was thick with penises
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
ok first of all what the fuck
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