I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
