I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
