I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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