Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
