Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
