I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Randomize
