Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
