So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
