How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
