So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
