so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
