My liver just broke up with me...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
