dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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