Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
