I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
should my penis look like a turkey
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
