You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
