you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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