you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
