We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
