my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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