Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
