you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
