jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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