Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
