I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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