ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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