Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize