Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
