I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
