Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
