u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
