I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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