Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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