You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
