Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
honey bunches of taint.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
