took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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