Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Randomize
