i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
