I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Randomize