I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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