i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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