I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
