Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
