How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
