My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
