She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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