exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
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