trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize