ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
