DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
