No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
