My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
ttyl tear gas
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
