my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
