the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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