I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
