holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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