I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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