when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
