Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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