yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
