Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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