I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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