I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
the raccoons are back...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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