just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Randomize
