Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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