Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
